Featured Story
The Warriors Are First. Please Adjust Your Excuses Accordingly.
The Warriors have taken first place, and the rest of the league would like a quiet word with whoever allowed this. A 4–1 win over the Oilers on November 8 puts them on 12 points from seven games: six wins, one loss, and absolutely no reason to be tolerable in the group chat. The Bulls sit two points behind on 10. Please give them space during this difficult transition from league leaders to people explaining the standings.
The Hot Wings supplied the other half of the eviction notice, beating the Bulls 6–5. Scoring five and still losing is a wonderfully expensive way to contribute to somebody else’s good weekend. The Warriors simply collected their own two points and let the Bulls handle the paperwork. That is teamwork, technically, although we doubt anyone in a Bulls jersey will be sending a thank-you card.
With 39 goals scored and 22 conceded, the Warriors have built a +17 goal difference. Apparently remembering both ends of the rink is legal. Other teams may wish to investigate this loophole instead of treating backchecking as an optional subscription they cancelled in September. There is still plenty of season left, but “it is early” is starting to sound suspiciously like a defensive system.
For now, the top spot belongs to the green jerseys. Enjoy the view, Warriors. Take a screenshot, send it to the group, and prepare a modest speech of no more than forty-five minutes. Everyone else: the most effective way to stop hearing about their lead remains beating them. We appreciate that this requires rather more effort than muting the chat.
